For the man who says he does not want anything

He means it, as well. Which is why the useful present is not a thing at all, and why the way you offer it matters more than what it costs.

Give him conversations about the parts of his life nobody has asked about, usually work, service or where he grew up, and have them written down. Father's Day 2027 is 20 June. What you hand over on the day is arranged with me rather than bought here, and the conversations themselves can happen whenever suits him.

What they openSomething to open that says the conversations are arranged. Understated works better than ceremonial for most men in this position, and that is worth saying when you message me.
Start byNothing is being printed for the day, so there is no deadline to miss. If you want a conversation to have happened first, message me in April or May.

Why this is a different problem from a present for your mum

Because he will not be persuaded by the idea of his life being interesting, and saying it is will make him dig in.

Men of that generation, in my experience, will not talk about themselves and will talk indefinitely about a subject. The subject is nearly always work, National Service, a place, a vehicle, a team, or a building that is not there any more. Get him onto the subject and the life comes out sideways, which is how it was always going to come out.

So the offer is not “tell us about your life”. The offer is “nobody has ever written down what that job was actually like, and in twenty years nobody will know”.

What he usually has not been asked about

Work. Forty years of it, and most families can name the employer and nothing else. What the place smelled like, who ran it, what happened when it closed.

Service, if there was any. Often mentioned in one sentence for fifty years and never expanded.

Where he grew up, which has usually been demolished, redeveloped or renamed, and which he can describe street by street.

The ones who did not come out of it well. Men will often talk about a friend who died, or a brother who went wrong, long before they will talk about themselves.

How to offer it without him refusing

Do not present it as a gift for him. Present it as something you want.

“I want the grandchildren to know what you did” is a request, and he can say yes to a request from you. “We have bought you an experience” is a fuss, and he will refuse a fuss on principle.

It is also worth saying, honestly, that nothing gets recorded until he has agreed to it. The first conversation is about whether this feels right at all, and if he would rather there were no recorder in the room for that one, there will not be. That is usually enough to settle it, and the ones who were most reluctant beforehand are often the ones who ring afterwards to add something they forgot.

If it is from all of you

This is the usual way it happens with fathers, and it helps. It spreads the cost, and it means nobody has to be the single person who decided their dad’s life was worth writing down, which some people find awkward on their own.

Say how many of you there are when you get in touch and we will work out the practical side, so nobody ends up being the family treasurer by default.

Having a go at it yourself

Father’s Day is a reasonable day to try this without me, with one caution: not at the table, and not with everyone there.

Two of you, in the garden or in the car on the way somewhere, with a phone recording, is the format that works. A phone on a table between six people is the format that does not.

How to record a conversation with a parent covers the practical side. If you already have old recordings of him, what to do with recordings you already have is the one to read first, because those are more fragile than people think.

If you are leaving it late

Father’s Day 2027 is 20 June.

If you decide by April, there is time to have had a first conversation before the day, which is a better present than a promise in an envelope.

If it is weeks away, give the intention and start in the summer. Nothing about this improves for being rushed.

If he is not well, ignore Father’s Day entirely and message me now. While there is still time is written for exactly that, and the date on the calendar is the least important part of it.